Don’t you just hate it when jealousy creeps into your heart? I know you do. You want to honor God, but dog-gone-it! There it is. Jealousy and selfishness. It’s as common as a summer cold, but it is a lot more harmful. Unlike the cold, there is a cure for it.
Jealousy and selfishness are identity issues.
There are three kind of people in the world:
- Those who try to hide their jealousy and selfishness
- People who think they can hide their jealousy and selfishness.
- Those who admit their struggle and deal with it.
Jealousy isn’t something I have to deal with often, but when I did I found myself in two of the three groups. I tried to hide it ,and I think I had!
Last year Debbie and I got a dog. We both wanted a miniature Aussey. We lived in mountains in Colorado where there are large wild animals, and dogs that live outside. People in Colorado just call outside dogs food! So, we went for a small dog that we could keep inside.
I was the one that mostly championed the idea to get dog. I romanticized the idea of standing in the middle of the river fishing, while my faithful companion watched from the river’s edge.
When we got Bear, our new brown furry friend, I had a four day weekend. Debbie and I both played with him. It was obvious he loved me the most. I was happy with that. On Tuesday when I went back to the office, Debbie did most of the playing and caregiving. Then she became his favorite. I thought I was good with that. But then, like the first drip of a runny nose, my attitude started to change.
It’s embarrassing to admit but I was catching a case of jealousy. I wanted Bear to love me more. Dogs are supposed to be man’s best friend! I tried not to show it. How do you explain that you are jealous for the affection of a dog?
Did I say, this is embarrassing to admit? It is.
What happens when we try to hide our jealousy and selfishness?
Like waste from a septic system, it leaches out. Often passive aggressively, it shows up in subtle sarcasm, snide comments, rudeness, and even distancing. I think I kept the sarcasm, snide comments, and rudeness down to a whisper. At least Debbie said, she never noticed them. But distancing was about to become an issue. I thought,,” I’m just going to ignore them!” Just having the thought was like a clap of thunder.
It woke me up.
I know! I should be ashamed of myself and embarrassed to admit this. And, I truly was! So, I did what I had to do to win over jealousy and selfishness. I came clean. I confessed my shamefulness to God and to Debbie. God forgave me and set me free. I think Debbie laughed at me.
Listen to James’ teaching on this issue:
“For jealousy and selfishness are not God’s kind of wisdom.”
We only wish he stopped there. He didn’t. James continues, “Such things… jealousy and selfishness”, he says, “are earthly, unspiritual.” Then James delivers the slap in the face, saying they are, demonic.
James says, even hidden jealousy and selfishness are disruptive in a home, a church, at work, in your organization, and in your social relationships.
“For wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and evil of every kind.” James 3:15 (NLT).
Why is jealousy so harmful?
Because jealousy and selfish ambition are earthly, unspiritual, and demonic.
Forget hiding it. Forget pretending. Ironically, James says that not hiding jealousy is the cure: “But if you are bitterly jealous and there is selfish ambition in your heart, don’t cover up the truth with boasting and lying.”
But that’s what we do, isn’t it? That’s what is behind the passive aggressiveness. That’s what is behind the snide comments, rudeness, and distancing. We pretend, nothing is wrong.
The cure: Stop pretending! Stop covering it up! Transparent honesty must become your new policy for life.
James says:
But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and the fruit of good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere.
James 3:17 (NLT)
Let me repeat that last part: “…and is always sincere.” The truly wise person does not fake love, but really loves. And when they don’t, they confess it as sin.
How to do to deal with jealousy and selfishness:
1. Stop excusing jealousy and selfishness as normal human behavior.
Jealousy and selfishness aren’t normal for the Christ-follower. They are earthly, unspiritual, and demonic. You’ve got to hate them!
2. Come clean and stop pretending that you aren’t jealous and selfish.
The tendency is to blame the other person. Well if Debbie didn’t spend so much time with Bear, he wouldn’t love her so much. She’s only doing it so he’ll favor her. It does doesn’t matter why or what the other person is doing. It is your jealousy that is the issue.
If you can’t just tell God and find freedom, you will have to confess your jealousy to the person you are jealous of.
3. Memorize James 3:14-17.
This fourth step is for everyone—everyone who struggles with a low self-image. Filling our mind with the truth of Scripture helps us to combat all of life’s struggles.
4. Get help to win over your wounded self-image.
You need help. You won’t be able to put an end to jealousy and selfishness until you are healed. Hurt people, hurt people. It’s just a fact.
Let me help you find the healing you want and need! Download my free e-book and get on the list to join the next Truly a Masterpiece course.
Until next time, may God help you to live the life you were born to love!
Craig
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