Looks are a big deal. For some of us, this can be a painful subject.

Jan wrote with tormented emotions: “I spent every day of this pandemic looking at my double-chin on conference calls, and I think about how my entire life I’ve wanted to not be obese. I want to be thin. I want to be pretty. But then I think, how stupid of me, how shallow of me to want what is arbitrary. But, I feel like a quitter if I just say, ‘Oh, just want yourself! Just love yourself! Just stop wanting what you’ve always wanted’.”

Is there help for when we feel unattractive, plain or when we feel downright ugly?

It does not matter if you are a woman or a man. Women, perhaps, are just more open about how they feel about their looks. But men struggle, too.

Jan feels pain. She acknowledges that, “My entire life I’ve wanted to not be obese.” She makes several comments about looks:

• She equates thin with pretty.
• However, she says looks are an arbitrary standard, and it is stupid and shallow to want to be pretty.
• She acknowledges the dilemma she feels for not trying to be thinner and to look pretty.

What’s the truth about looks? Does God’s word have anything to say about looks to all the Jan’s and James’ in the world?

The tendency is for well-meaning people is to say, “Don’t feel like that. You’re not unattractive.” That’s as helpful as saying to a person with an injured leg, “Don’t feel the pain. Your leg isn’t broke.” It is far better to admit the pain and discover the truth about what’s causing the pain.

Four observations from the Scriptures about looks

While there is no objective standard of beauty, there is a subjective standard that we all acknowledge.

People in the Bible were recognized as handsome and beautiful.

Sarah was a “beautiful woman,” (Genesis 12:11). Rachel was “very beautiful,” (Genesis 24:16). Saul was “the most handsome man in all Israel,” (1 Samuel 9:2). Absalom, “was flawless from head to foot,” (2 Samuel 14:25). Abishag, was “a beautiful girl,” (1 Kings 1:2). Esther was “a very beautiful and lovely young [woman], (Esther 2:7). Even God said of his angels that some are more beautiful than others.

Some people are just beautiful. I’ve seen them. You’ve seen them. This is why we use the phrase “drop dead gorgeous”.

So, no. There is no objective standard of beauty, but there is a subjective standard, and we all recognize it. To say there is not just isn’t true, and doesn’t help.

Here’s a second important but unpopular insight:

Some things come easier to people who are really good looking.

I’m not saying that people who are really good looking don’t have challenges. Looks create other challenges. I get that. But it is helpful to acknowledge that looks have their advantages. I know, that doesn’t sound right or fair. But it is true.

Read the story of when Saul was crowned king. Sure God chose him, but the people took one look and said, We’ve got ourselves a king and now we are like all the other nations. They were proud of their king’s handsome appearance.

Esther became queen, not because she had queenly attributes, but because the king thought she was gorgeous.

We don’t like that. We don’t think it is fair, but regardless of how we feel about what looks will get you, we have to acknowledge that it is true.

Now we come to an insight that is more acceptable:

Looks are limited in what they can do for you.

Don’t miss this. While we acknowledged that looks will get you things others can’t have, we must also acknowledge that looks are limited—very limited.

Saul became king, but while few people know Saul was handsome, almost anyone that has read the Bible knows he was a miserable failure as a king and died a failure. Absalom was flawless from head to foot, but he died and is remembered as a traitor to his nation and his father.

Even the Scriptures tell us, “Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last.” (Proverbs 31:30a. NLT). Translated: Looks have their limitations.

And here is fourth insight—the most important thing I can tell you:

You are not an accident. You are not a mistake. You are perfectly fashioned to do all the good things God had in mind when he made you.

The unchangeables of your looks are not keeping you from even the smallest good thing God planned for you to do long ago. So here’s the question: What have you done with what God has given you?

Let’s get a quick win here:

What will you do with these truths?

Change the things you want to change.

If you don’t like your weight and that is a changeable then change. If you don’t like your level of fitness and that is something you can should change then go for it. If you don’t like your style then do something about it. There are a lot of things we can change about ourselves that we can and perhaps should change. Change those things!

Don’t put yourself on a guilt trip because you want to feel pretty, handsome, or attractive. Go for it. Lose the weight. Get fit. Put on makeup. Dress your best.

Recognize the limitations of looks, and focus on what matters.

“Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last, but a woman [or man] who fears the Lord will be greatly praised.” (Proverbs 31:30. NLT)

The most attractive thing about you is your confidence in the Lord. You are God’s masterpiece. You have been created anew in Christ Jesus. Confidently stand in who you are.

I told you about some beautiful people in the Bible. I left one person out. He was not handsome in appearance. The Scriptures tell us, “There was nothing beautiful or majestic about his appearance, nothing to attract us to him.” (Isaiah 53:2b NLT) Isn’t it amazing that  God did not make Jesus, the Savior of the world, the person who had the most important job in all the world, handsome? There was nothing majestic about his appearance, NOTHING to attract us to Him!

Looks are limited, so focus on what really matters.

If you can’t change something about you, that part of you does not need changed in order for you to do what God had in mind when He made you. If you do not accept yourself, and by that I mean learn to like the person God created you to be with your perceived flaws, you will not love the person you are trying to become.

Everything flows down from your faith in God’s goodness, love, and trustworthiness. What do you believe God thinks about you?

Hear me tell you that God loves you. God knew what He was doing when He made you. He did not make a mistake and you are not a mistake. He oversaw your entire build. He knit you together in your mother’s womb.

If you still struggle to accept the person God made you to be let me help you. Sign up for the Truly a Masterpiece training.

If this has been helpful to you leave a comment and then pass this teaching on to a friend.

Until next time, may God help you to live the life you were born to love.

Craig